$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
