The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
