it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
