there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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