I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
