I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
