D3 body, D1 cock
i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
