What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
