is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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