i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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