Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
