So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
