dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we're making bets on your personal life
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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