I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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