I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
