I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well you can't waste a boner
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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