GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
