apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
