Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
