We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's always time for handjobs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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