Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
