It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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