if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
