I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
