I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
