I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
