your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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