That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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