haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
