I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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