Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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