OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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