I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
