My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
