ugly people sure do ruin things
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
