whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
