I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
soo... how was my night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
