i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
