i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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