he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
