I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
