I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
