@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
