There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
