She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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