I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
