she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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