u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nicole vs. Life
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
