the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
