Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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