I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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