Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
